Captain Gingersnap (hereboy) wrote in itwastheyear,
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1974: Invention Of The Dry Hump

It was the year 1974. Times were groovy. Charles Nelson Reilly was the mayor of Detroit, and he ruled the city with a limp wrist and an iron fist. The Boomtown Rats were topping the charts with their smash hit, "Let's Take Acid With Horschach (from Welcome Back Kotter)", and everyone was watching Fantasy Island in the first-ever, decade-long, all-channel TV marathon.

On April 2nd on the beanbag chair of a wood-paneled basement rec room in suburban Dayton, Ohio, a young man and his ladyfriend invented the dry hump. Safe sex at its messiest and least fulfilling, the dry hump was a great advance in not-ready-to-go-all-the-way-but-still-horny technology, a quantum leap beyond cold showers and talking to your minister. Ectopic pregnancies were at an all-time high, with babies popping up everywhere from inner thighs to armpits. These so-called Ectopic Baby Boomers gnashed their pearly teeth and readied themselves for their soon-to-come decade of hair dryers and unlaced hightops.

At night all across America you could hear the katydids chirping, and the katydonts moaning "don't get any on me!" Everyone went to sleep to the sound of Ricardo Montalban rolling his R's on into infinity, dreaming of shag-carpeted corvettes on the ring-pop highway.
Tags: 1970's, dry humping, fantasy island, history, satire, welcome back kotter
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